One Is The Loneliest Number That You'll Ever Do

Some time ago, I vowed to cease sharing my intimate emotions on my blog anymore. It only took one time for some know it all to throw my writings in my face, to assume they knew the full plot because I gave you a scene. To remember it, still utterly annoys me. But I've decided to say a big fuck you, kiss my ass to them and any other judgmental prick that reads my journal. I'm gonna say and do whatever the fuck I want on MY blog, keyword: MY. You don't like it, think it's depressing, well get to x'ing my dear, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!

Every now and again, I seem to slip into this dark closet. No other inhabitants, just myself and my thoughts. This closet engulfs me and I surrender my happiness to it, if only for a short period of time. Here recently, this closet has welcomed me with open arms and I've walked in willingly. While inhabiting this place, I feel like I'm on a journey of one, no companionship, no REAL friends, no one to be emotionally naked with and be neither ashamed nor afraid.

I question the people around me and while my judgment is probably marginally clouded, I begin to also see them for what they are worth. Frankly its not much. Sometimes I feel the people in my life are nothing more than seat fillers, brought together only by the mutual desire to experience new things in a city that is not native to most of us and more importantly to not do it alone. As long as I've lived in Atlanta, I can't pinpoint one person that I'll probably be friends with long after I move back home. Which will probably be soon as I feel I've experienced enough here and it's time to move on, move to where I'm loved for it is surely not here.

I question the man I've been intimate with off and on for 3 years now. Here lately, I feel like he believes he's entitled (or has earned the right) to walk in my house, entertain me in front of the tv for an hour or two before I am to invite him into my bedroom. I've played this game with him all of this year. The amount of outings we've been on in 2009 hmmm I can't even recall but it hasn't been that many in comparison to prior years. Perhaps he's taken up with another party. I really wouldn't be surprised. I've told him how I felt, but it seems to be of no avail. I've even decided to break it off but even that seems to be futile as we've played this off and on game so much, it all seems meaningless. I'm waiting for the God-send, the man that comes along and loves me as I deserve to be loved. And still, I wait. Thankfully I'm not holding my breath, as I would have long perished many moons ago.

One Is The LONELIEST Number.....

And I am ONE.